Have you ever felt like success is slipping through your fingers? Me, too.
Have you ever felt like you can’t seem to get “it” right - whatever “right” is? Me, too.
What if, though, we aren’t actually following our own intuition but what we think we are supposed to do? What if this is the real problem?
My therapist told me years ago that trauma cancels out our intuition. That made so much sense to me. The part she left out was how to trust ourselves again. That’s what I’m going to do my best to help you with now.
I remember interviewing at the mall for my first job. My mother was pressuring me to get a job because she was tired of me asking for toilet paper, shampoo, tampons, deodorant…you know, the basics that we need. I was only 15-years-old but with her signature I could work. I also wanted and needed money. I was at my wits end trying to borrow notebook paper, pens, and other school supplies, too. I wanted to succeed. It’s a little tough without those things.
It was a Saturday morning and my mom had dropped me off at the mall and told me to not call her for a ride home unless I could show her that I had a job. I had no idea how to even ask for work, not to mention how to fill out an application. I was terrified.
Fast forward to 2024. When I don’t know how to do something like using A.I. as a new tool or filling out a government application for a grant, I freeze. Freezing for me looks like hours on my phone. I don’t move my body, I don’t shower, I don’t learn anything new. I’m that 15- year-old confused girl in the mall again without school supplies or shampoo.
Even though I have absolutely everything I need, in those moments it doesn’t feel like it.
We have to be aware of times when we drift aimlessly into our past. This is where I see so many business leaders trap themselves, too. They’re in the past and don’t even realize that they are killing their dreams.
I’ll often hear questions like, “What does my mother have to do with me asking my boss for a raise?” Or, “So, you’re telling me that I can’t make myself increase my prices because of something my father said to me at the dinner table twenty years ago?”
It’s all connected.
Your brain’s job is to avoid that childhood pain. It’s scientific. This is why we have to be better than our brain. We have to become the boss of it.
Back to the mall and me looking for a job. I was staring into a store and finally this other kid comes and asks if I’m okay. Great, I thought to myself, why do other kids always seem to have it way more together than me?
Have you felt like everyone has it better or knows more than you do? That was me, too.
I froze. I had no idea what to say. Finally, after what seemed like a year, I managed to stutter, “My mom wants me to get a job.” The girl looked at me with a strange face but took me to the manager and told her I needed a job. I didn’t like her vibe.
But…I was desperate. And when we are desperate we don’t listen to our intuition. This would be drilled into my head by my therapist years later.
I took the job where I was belittled, targeted, harassed at home (yes, she drove to my house). Things are like this at home, too, I told myself, so it must just be something that is wrong with me.
I wanted to quit but I fought against my intuition because I was terrified of my mother, my boss, and not having money again.
I’m sharing this with you because I’m finally at a place where I can truly let this go. It doesn’t mean it won’t come back around at some point and attempt to bite me again. What it means, though, is that I’m free. This is how I healed a lot of my past wounds:
I booked 1:1 sessions with my coach and made it a point to talk through some tough emotions with her.
I consistently meditated and sent love to that 15-year-old girl inside of me that needed to know she’s safe.
I wrote letters to my mother, that boss, and a co-worker letting them know how much they hurt me (even though I didn't actually send them).
I wrote a letter to my intuition apologizing for ignoring it and not trusting it.
I did some deep breathing exercises and allowed myself to replace the tough emotions with new ones.
Feel. Follow your feelings. Listen to the guidance you’re given to heal. This will come from your trusted person(s) and yourself. Don’t attempt to heal your life alone.
If it’s not me, find someone. You deserve it.
All my love and support,
Allyson