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The Validation We Seek



It’s not your fault.


If you know anything about me by now, you know I love the meaning of words. With that said, let’s look at the definition of “validation.” Recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.


You may not think that you have an issue with this, but here are some examples of seeking validation.

  1. Taking a disagreement personally. This is a classic “people-pleasing” issue. The need to be “right,” is so strong that the slightest disagreement can send an attention-seeker over the edge.

  2. Changing your opinion in the face of disapproval. You’ve voiced your opinion on some matter only to be met with opposition. Instead of you standing your ground, you cave because the feeling of not having approval is too strong and overwhelming.

  3. Not complaining when receiving poor service or unsatisfactory goods. Your steak comes to the table. You’ve requested medium-rare but your meat is medium-well. You eat it anyway. You don’t want to be a bother. This is a classic symptom of low self-esteem. You’re telling yourself you’re not entitled to the things you want.

  4. Pretending. You pretend you’re okay when you’re not. You pretend you know something when you don’t. You pretend you’re in love when you’re in complete dislike. You pretend because being your true authentic self is terrifying. “If they knew who I really was they’d run.” This is the story playing out in your subconscious mind.

  5. You say, “I’m sorry,” too much. It’s raining, “I’m sorry our day was ruined;” or the wind catches the door and it slams, “I’m sorry I left the door cracked for fresh air;” or you run out of something, “I’m sorry that I didn’t buy extra.” I’m sorry is so common to you that you don’t even know you’re saying it.

  6. Fishing for approval. You post on social media and wait for the “likes” to pour in. You spend two hours getting dressed and walk into a room waiting to hear, “You look beautiful/handsome.” When this doesn’t happen, you fly into a rage or feel defeated. This is because your self-esteem is starving for validation from those closest to you.

While this may be a complex issue, there are things you can do to develop self-respect so that your addiction to approval drastically decreases.


Step One. Admit that this is an issue for you.


Step Two. Analyze where it all began.


Step Three. Practice receiving constructive criticism from a trusted friend or partner. When you feel upset during the conversation, try and analyze what’s going on.


Step Four. Pledge to heal. Strive for a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed one.

If any of this resonates and you want to learn more, there are three ways you can start the healing process with me.


The first is to stay connected through my Facebook group

The second is to sign up for my August Painless Pivots to Power webinar. August will be here before we know it!

The third is to take three days for yourself, tell your boss you need some mental health days, and come to Behind the Power! Learn more about this impactful event here.


You are seen and heard.

Allyson


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