Get off the internet. Take a time out. Color.
If you want to stop feeling as though life is controlling you, then you must take charge of your time. Do one thing each day where you feel you are controlling time. It’ll make all the difference in your world, and a certain magic will begin to happen where you start life in a new way.
Is there a burning inside of you? Do you wake up and think, “There is so much more to my life than this!” Perhaps you don’t think anything when you rise in the morning. If you are like the old me, I used to wake up, jump out of bed, (because I couldn’t afford to hit “snooze” one more time), rush here and rush there, put makeup on in the car, and go through another day of a life that was controlling me. Feel familiar?
There was no time for me. No time for a daily spiritual practice. No time to take that trip on my bucket list. No time to write my book, or create oracle cards, or make new friends. The only time I had was carved out in tiny chunks, but only when I felt completely overwhelmed and hit my “enough” button. In other words, those “me moments” were a last-ditch effort to add some control back to my life.
In a line at a coffee shop one day, I ran into an old friend of mine. She’s a therapist and rarely takes off the proverbial therapist hat. Her usual question, “How are you managing?” used to bug the crap out of me. Just the question itself seemed to scream, “Your life is borderline unmanageable, and you know it on some level, so how is that working for you?” Or, maybe she was innocently asking, and my own shit triggered making me respond, with a fake smile, “I’m managing just fine, thank you.” By the way, FINE stands for: Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. So, yes, I was just FINE!
Then, one day, her question seemed to hit me. “Something” made me think of my friend and her question, and I asked myself out loud, “How are you managing, Allyson?” I didn’t want to just “manage” my life. I was ready to LIVE my life – OUT LOUD! I just didn’t know how to get started.
So, how are YOU managing? What geographic excuse, or any other “reason” are you hiding behind that is keeping you from being the brilliant, magical person you were born to experience? Seriously, think about it. "Managing” is controlling what’s already in place. It’s not about growth or expansion. While managing life is better than not managing it, if you are ONLY managing your life, it’s time to ask yourself the real question, “Are you invisible?” Better yet, take out a pen and paper and write this at the top of a page, “The ten things that keep me invisible are…” Then, go to town with that list. Don’t dismiss anything that comes to mind. You are going to surprise yourself, I promise. For me, I didn’t stop at ten. The list was long, and painful, but for the first time in my life the list was real. It stared back at me in what felt like all caps just screaming to be finally heard.
Here’s the deal. You’re amazing. Seriously. You’re also all you’ve got. So, at the end of the day, when you’re lying in bed at night thinking about HOW… how are the bills going to get paid, how am I going to get out of this mess, how am I going to send my kids to summer camp, how am I going to make my car payment, how am I going to meet the right person, how am I going to get married…again? “How” will stop you in your tracks every single time. The question itself invokes panic if you allow it. If you are exhausted, and life isn’t working on your terms, (and maybe you don’t even know what your terms are right now), then read on, let me see if I can help you.
Who has trained you to play a role in this thing called “life” that you no longer wish to play? Have you come to realize that you are stuck in your life story? It’s not always an easy question to answer. As a matter of fact, most people don’t want to admit that they don’t live their truth, and others find it completely impossible to even know what that means. It’s not that you are a bad person, it’s that your conditioning runs so deep, and your truth was stolen from you so long ago, that finding it again can seem like an impossible task. Here is the great news. It’s not an impossible task. It takes work, but it’s not impossible.
Breaking out of the rut is the passion that finally led me to rewrite and release this book. I was sitting in a writing seminar, and one of the authors was sharing her “secret sauce” with us. One of the things she said was to this, “Write about the things you don’t want to tell.” Hell, that’s most of my entire childhood and parts of my adulthood that I’m certainly not proud to share, but I also understand that sharing it will help others heal. Do you have a story screaming inside of you? Have people you know said that you should write a book? If that is you, and even if it’s not you, the one thing you must do in your life right now, that you can no longer ignore, is this. You must face the thing (or things) that you are most ashamed of and you must do this immediately.
You see, the less we talk about shame, the more power it has over us. Now, I’m not saying to go spill your dirty laundry all over Facebook, but what I am saying is that you need to write it out, then speak it out, either to a trusted friend or to yourself. What you may not realize is that burying your story is what is causing you to repeat the patterns in your life that are keeping you stuck. Hiding from shame is the underlying reason for your unhappiness. Many times, we confuse shame for guilt and vice versa. Let me ask you a question, “How many times a day do you believe that you are a bad person?” This comes out in many ways, but one of the most obvious is you shaming yourself. Calling yourself stupid or dumb or feeling stupid is a sure sign that you are living in shame. This can cause you to get blocked in almost every area of your life – if not every area.
Short Exercise
Get your journal or a piece of paper where you are comfortable to write and create two columns. On the left, list 10 things that you feel is keeping you invisible and on the right, list the things or stories you don't want to tell. On my next blog, I'll be sharing with you more details on how you can slowly overcome it.